Quotes probably only computer people understand

  Bill Gates should limit his salary to the  | PI92AE@pt.hk-r.se is:
  number of bytes addressable by the latest  |     Andy Eskilsson
  version of MS-DOS, and be taxed based on   |    Tranbaersv. 25:12
  the number of bytes of RAM needed by the   |    s-372 38 Ronneby
  latest version of MS-Windows               |         SWEDEN

Apples have been a problem ever since eden.

If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage.  But
this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is
somehow enobled and none dare criticize it.

I think computer viruses should count as life ... I think it says something
about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is
purely destructive.  We've created life in our own image.  --S.Hawking

       As  of  fvwm  0.99  there were exactly 39.342 unidentified
       bugs. Identified bugs  have  mostly  been  fixed,  though.
       Since then 9.34 bugs have been fixed.  Assuming that there
       are at least 10 unidentified  bugs  for  every  identified
       one,  that  leaves  us  with  39.342  - 9.32 + 10 * 9.34 =
       123.402 unidentified bugs. If we follow this to its  logi-
       cal   conclusion  we  will  have  an  infinite  number  of
        unidentified bugs before the number of bugs can  start  to
       diminish,  at  which  point  the program will be bug-free.
       Since this is a computer program infinity = 3.4028e+38  if
       you  don't insist on double-precision. At the current rate
       of bug discovery we should expect to achieve this point in
       3.37e+27  years.  I  guess  I  better plan on passing this
       thing on to my children....
  -- Robert Nation in the fvwm manual

"Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk ?"
(By leitner@inf.fu-berlin.de, Felix von Leitner)

`When you say "I wrote a program that crashed Windows", people just stare at
you blankly and say "Hey, I got those with the system, *for free*".'
(By Linus Torvalds, main author of Linux)

The nice thing about Windows is - It does not just crash, it displays a
dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first.
(Arno Schaefer's .sig)

"I don't know why, but first C programs tend to look a lot worse than
first programs in any other language (maybe except for fortran, but then
I suspect all fortran programs look like `firsts')"
(By Olaf Kirch)

"...Unix, MS-DOS, and Windows NT (also known as the Good, the Bad, and
the Ugly)."
(By Matt Welsh)

The only "intuitive" interface is the nipple. After that, it's all learned.
(Bruce Ediger, bediger@teal.csn.org, in comp.os.linux.misc, on X interfaces.)

The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to
devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation.
                -- Lew Mammel, Jr.

"Will uninstall Windows 95 for food!"

You people are using COMPUTERS? I am whistling into my telephone. -Guy Macon

It is practically impossible to teach good programming style to
students that have had prior exposure to BASIC: as potential
programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of
                -- Dijkstra

The System has detected an Internal Processing Error in module REALITY.SYS.
Please shut down your universe and reboot.

Science is to computer science what hydrodynamics is to plumbing.

Never underestimate the power of information. One day those who control the
flow of information will control the world.

Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules:
        The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of
the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.

When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
        (Steve Haflich; comp.lang.c++)

Apple = funny fruit computer

Hardware, n.:
        The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.

     If Microsoft made toasters...

Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster.  You
wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it
anyway.  Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced
steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up
95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that
lets you control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would
secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them.
Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since
most of the good bread only works with their toasters.

"Real Life?  I've played that game.  The plot stinks but the
graphics are awesome."
        -- havoc@freeway.net

Logic -
the principle on which all computers are built, but none seem to run under.

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger
and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and
better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."
        -- Rich Cook

Abort, Retry, or Get a life?  (A/R/G)

Schick doch Mail an
Das ist die sinngemäße Übersetzung von president@whitehouse.gov
              -- ws@xivic.ruhr.de (Wolfgang Schelongowski) in de.org.ccc